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Stupid Facebook Statuses

Veethi Telang
The world wants the coolest, most awesome, and funniest Facebook statuses, while you're on a hunting spree for a stupid one. Haha, don't worry. Read the following story to find out some of the ridiculous ones.
X can't believe Derek played with her feelings, and broke her heart.
Dear Ma'am X, I'd like to add a few more things to your status update:
  • Perhaps, Derek hated you for your 'emo'ness.
  • You better not curse the ones happily committed, for they wouldn't really like it.
  • Get over it, woman!
Dude, I feel contaminated with the over-smartness some of my friends show in their FB statuses. Aren't you sick of reading those OMG-I'm-so-heartbroken, or those I'm-so-cool-and-sexy statuses of your friends?
I abhor those dim-witted females, with all my heart, who put up these on lost love, song lyrics, and most importantly, the ones that quintessentially flaunt their oh-so-high-headed life. What's the worst part? They always manage to get 25+ likes and 50+ comments, regardless of what they write. Yeah, they might be cool enough to put up an awesome one on FB.
We're cool, for we have the freaking audacity to put up stupid Facebook status messages. After all, who on earth said that it is only smartness that could bring a smile to people's faces? For those who stand pat about the fact that you can generate likes and comments only on your smartness, then I'm highly apologetic for shattering all the myths today.
Here are my top picks for the most ridiculous statuses that may or may not assure you a hundred likes, but can assure a goofy grin on your friends' faces.

Stupid Updates: Examples

Give your wall a break from awesomeness. Ridicule the world, make fun of your own self, and jest at the irony. Yeah, your friends might find it extremely inane, but what the heck? Here are some status update ideas for you to flaunt your stupidity on Facebook!
  • ____ is. (... is what? What is that supposed to mean?)
  • My dog chewed my sandals while I was in the shower!!! (Oh, so sad! Why didn't you hit your dog's head with another sandal?)
  • Change your profile picture to a cartoon from your childhood. The goal is to not see a human face on FB until Monday. Join the fight against child abuse. (How in the hell would changing your DP contribute to child abuse?)
  • And now a magic trick: See this asterisk? [*] Now I'll blow on it and... [ ] it's gone! Snap my fingers and [*] it's back! (Funny? Hell yeah!)
  • I was in minding my own business in bed in my dorm room. It was dark, and my roommate came over, intending to slap my back real hard. The problem is I was lying face up!
  • You hate Justin Bieber?? At least now we don't have to teach kids the rule of 'i before e'. (Oh, that's a cool status actually. But, ridiculous for Bieber fans!)
  • Used to be a werewolf. But, I am alright nowwww!!!
  • Do you know what makes me smile? Facial muscles. (Bah! Straight face!)
  • I love to give homemade gifts. Which one of my kids do you want? (LOL)
  • You know what would be a horrible way to die? Getting shot through the heart with an arrow by a naked, flying baby. (You're dumb, if you don't understand what it meant.)
  • If I had a nickel for every time I said "If I had a nickel," I'd have 2 nickels. I don't say it much.
  • Just invented the word "bro-ner." Still working on the definition.
  • ____ is down since no one wished him a happy birthday. But that's okay! Since, it's not his birthday today. (The ultimate example of stupidity.)
  • ____ is the 534,987th person to plant a Bush in the bush garden, and therefore, he saved the rainforest, and solved life's problems all by posting this message. You can do this too by clicking here and make a difference. (You click here, and you're the stupidest person I'll witness in my entire life.)
  • ____ just launched a blog called ineedattentionfromallstrangers.blogspot.com.
Indeed, there's no limit to it. Update any of these statuses, and be ready to receive some killer comments. Know what? Let's see who all have the temerity to comment on your ridiculousness.
Disclaimer: This story is just a fun treatise, and does not intend to hurt anyone's feelings.