Tap to Read ➤

Humorous Facebook Status Updates

Aastha Dogra
Want to make your Facebook profile a bit different from the rest? Add the following hilarious status updates to it and entertain yourself as well as your friends through them.
If you are someone who wants to be heard amongst his friends, if you are someone who wants to make his presence felt in the cyber world, if you are someone who simply wants to bring a smile on the face of friends who visit your Facebook profile, then the below given humorous status updates are exactly what you need.
Add them to your profile to get attention, to brighten up your day, to get noticed or to simply make others laugh!
Funny and Hilarious Facebook Status Updates

Dance like no one's going to put it on YouTube...

Insert coin to view my status message...

.....wants you to read this status. Keep reading it... There, now I have full control over your mind. Now give me a hot dog!
.....wants to say thank you to all the people who walked into my life and made it outstanding and all the people who walked out of my life and made it fantastic.. :)

Sometimes...Late at night...I rearrange traffic signs. People need to be challenged.

.....just realized that everything I've written on Facebook will be available to my kids some day.
I wouldn't say you're stupid. You are, but I wouldn't say it.

Don't make me have to wound your inner child...

If Monday had a face, I'd punch it.

.....spends a lot of time wondering what normal people would do in my situation.

The people I owe money to, are soooo materialistic...
Logged in and saw you logged in. Then I logged off and logged in 2 hours again - you were still logged in. Get A Life! OK yeah I was logged in all this time too..:P

Someone complimented me on my driving today. Someone left a note on my windshield that said "Parking Fine".

Yes, I know how to shut up. I just don't know when...
.....Got her test results back this morning and is shocked to find that she's been diagnosed with OCD. She's rung the doctors nine times to check if they're correct.

.....says remember: some days you are the pigeon, some days you are the statue.

Statistically, 132% of all people exaggerate.
I know what you did last summer. You posted it to Facebook. And you do not seem to understand how to use the privacy controls.
Facebook Status Quotes

If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.

Smile uncontrollably and the world smiles with you. Laugh uncontrollably and they'll think you're on drugs.

Someone, somewhere just said something really important and here you are reading this Facebook status update.
Some people come into our lives & leave footprints on our hearts. Others come into our lives & make us wanna leave footprints on their face.

If women ruled the world there would be no wars. Just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other.

I have a busy day ahead... I have trouble to start; rumors to spread and people to argue with.
My wife said I'm too immature and if I don't grow up, it's going to erect a barrier between us. Ha ha ha, erect.

I'm stuck to the couch. I think I'm half man half sofa now. Just call me a mofa.

Dear Facebook, Stop being like my Mom and suggesting people for me to be friends with.
Every day, man is making bigger and better fool-proof things, and every day, nature is making bigger and better fools. So far, I think nature is winning.

.....used to play sports. Then she realized you can buy trophies. Now she's good at everything.

you know you've truly grown up when you realize your parents knew exactly what they were talking about.
Aren't these quotes simply out of this world? So update your profile with them and soon you will find a string of old, new, and possible friends visiting you online!