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Funny Status Updates

Batul Nafisa Baxamusa
Funny lines for status updates, covered in the following story, will set your social media profile alight with humor.
It is time that we all confessed being social media addicts. Yes, we are all addicted to social networking sites like Facebook, MySpace, Twitter, and many more. People look for new ways to keep their profiles alive and abuzz with comments from friends.
One way of doing so, is posting funny status updates. Sharing something hilariously funny to your social feed will help spread laughter, as well as create some interest in your profile. If you have run out of lines, the witty updates shared below, will be an interesting read.

Funny Lines for Your Status Updates

Feels like getting some work done ... and so he is sitting down until the feeling passes.
Doesn't suffer from insanity ... he enjoys every minute of it.

On a scale of 1 to Chris Brown, my anger level is a 7.

I will avoid taking a bath whenever possible and conserve more water. (Nature first, let's save the environment together!)
Was complimented on my driving today. Someone left a note on my windshield that said "Parking Fine".

Do you know what really makes me smile? Facial muscles.

Is normally not a praying person, but if you're up there, please save me Superman.

Is too drunk to update his status.
Just had a reality check ... it bounced.

Thinks that if your relationship status says, "It's complicated" then you should stop kidding yourself and change it to "Single".

Whenever a man asks me what kind of books I like, I say checkbooks.
Likes to think one step ahead... like a carpenter... who builds stairs.

Is good at many things, none of which generate any income.

Does not lose contests. He wins them. Or he quits them. Because they're unfair!
911, what's your emergency?" - "Quick, my dreams are dying!"

I can do a really good impression of somebody doing an impression of Chewbacca.

I'm an early bird, and a night owl...so I'm wise and I have worms.
Why did Jack and Jill fetch water up on a hill?

Great....my dog just sat on my status.

Single and looking forever.

Temporarily addicted to Facebook.
Closed for the day.

Asks all uneducated wall posters to press Ctrl + Alt + Del and then "see what happens".

Dear week, you are not attractive and I am leaving you for the weekend.. I'd say it wasn't you, and that it was me.. but yeah, it was you ...
You will have the song "I'm a Barbie Girl" stuck in your head in 2 seconds.

^v--^v--^v--^v-_____^v--^v--^v-- Wow, for a second there, I was bored to death.

Says hating me is an emotional disease. So, for those who hate me - GET WELL SOON.
Don't be upset if people preferred another one, instead of you ... it's hard to convince the monkey that strawberries are sweeter than bananas.

If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate!

Would tell you the joke about the butter........but you will just go and spread it!!
Can't really remember, but I think my life must have been a lot more productive before I discovered Facebook.
Grammar is important. For instance, commas save lives. Let's eat grandpa. Let's eat, grandpa.

Thinks that teaching your own mother how to use Facebook is like willingly signing your own death warrant.

If you see a guy opening a car door for a girl, it's one of two things: either a new girl, or a new car!
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I decided to cancel my Twitter account. I don't want to sound paranoid, but I'm pretty sure people are following me.

Got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
These were a few ideas that will definitely make your profile sound interesting. These status updates will help initiate social interaction on your online profiles. Hope these hilarious updates tickled your funny bone.