Tap to Read ➤

Funny Sayings for Facebook

Ratnashri Dutta
Having a funny saying as a Facebook status is something that will not only give you the attention you want, but also spread much needed cheer in the world. We've enlisted some that you can use.
The thing about funny saying as a Facebook status is you can find it almost anywhere and at any time. You just need to know how to transform a situation into something that will induce a bit of laughter into someone who reads it. When you relate it to a majority of the people on your friend list, it will definitely get 'liked' and 'shared' a LOT.
Here are some such funny sayings that you can use for your Facebook status until you get the hang of it.

*The sayings have been collated from various sources. They are not the writings of the author.


  • Some things man was never meant to know. For everything else, there's Google.
  • Be nice to nerds. You might be working for them one day.
  • Dear Lord, please give me some patience NOW! NOW! NOW!
  • If your relationship status is 'It's complicated', then it's high time you change it to 'Single'.
  • Women who seek to be at an equal level with men lack ambition.
  • I think, and thus we have nothing in common.
  • If you try and don't succeed, cheat. Repeat until caught. Then lie.
  • Research shows that, when someone shouts "Oh no he didn't!", he in fact did.
  • Take my advice...I don't use it anyway.
  • If something is neither here nor there......where is it?
  • I have to stop saying "How stupid can you be". I think people are starting to take it as a challenge.
  • I hate people who steal my ideas before I think of them.
  • Dear 11 year old on Facebook with 'It's complicated.' Seriously????? What did he do??? Steal your animal crackers??
  • Dear shaving commercials, stop shaving hairless legs. If you want to impress us, please shave a gorilla.
  • I hate it when I'm singing a song and someone joins in! Please, this isn't Glee!
  • That awkward moment when Pinocchio and Voldemort meet.
  • Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried to staple water to a tree.
  • I will not be impressed with technology until I can download food from the Internet.
  • Why am I the weird one for browsing through your pictures? You're the one who uploaded over a thousand!
  • I love it when I buy a bag of air & the company is nice enough to put some chips in.
  • Deja vu is when God thinks something is so funny, that he has to rewind it to show it to his friends.
  • No, I don't stop the microwave at 0:01 to feel like a bomb defuser...I stop it because I hate the f*cking beeping noise.
  • My parents told me 'You watch too much TV and should try reading more!' So I turned on the subtitles.
  • I lose all respect for myself when I bite my own tongue. I've been chewing for decades, how did I manage to f*ck that up?
  • The only thing preventing me from smashing my alarm clock every morning is the fact that it's my cellphone.
  • Facebook event invites from people you barely know should really have a 'Seriously?' option in the reply.
  • Roses are red, Facebook is blue, no mutual friends, who the hell are you?
  • "Username or Password incorrect." TELL ME WHICH ONE YOU SON OF A B***H!
  • Unless your name is GOOGLE...stop acting like you KNOW EVERYTHING!!
  • I just read last year 4,153,237 ppl got married. I don't want to start any trouble, but shouldn't that be an even number?
  • My parents told me I could be anything. So I chose amazing!
  • Trust me, when I woke up today, I had no intention of being so awesome. But hey, sh*t happens.
  • The appropriate response to 'Good Morning' is 'Prove It!'.
  • I used my 'chill-pill' yesterday. This is your final warning!