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Facebook Statuses That Need To Stop

Sai Kardile
Facebook to some is the best thing that has happened since sliced bread, that's because they can now nosh on the bread and update their status on Facebook simultaneously. However, the fixation with this social networking site is so monstrous that people just don't know where to draw a line.
Did you know?
Despite being a college drop out, Mark Zuckerberg maintains a fiction on his profile that he is a Harvard graduate.
There are some people who want the world to know just about everything and anything that's happening in their life. So insanely impassioned they are with this idea that they don't let the thought of 'people might not actually give a hoot about any of their s***' stop them from posting random and awful statuses.
The randomness, weirdness, and awfulness of some statuses can be felt so sharply that they can propel you to self-harm. Just the other day, some hormones-gone-totally-wild-mortal put a status that read somewhat like this 'Feeling great and out of the world for having tried 'that thing' last night with the love of my life @girlfriend.'
This was the first thing on my newsfeed, and I kept gawping at 'that thing' and my imagination ran wild trying to suss out what 'that thing' could be. The intention behind sharing that subtly salacious post may have been to induce jealously or god knows whatever.
But trust me when I say that my hand was itching restlessly to bash that nincompoop's head with a thing. One word for this, weird.

Given below are more such weird statuses that we reckon people stop posting them, or someone might just use Cerebro to find and kill all such soul wrenchers.
The Brag-me-to-hell-status
"Having a blast in Bahamas. Total bliss.", "Guess who just got herself the new iPhone!", "Having a whale of a time with Jason, Steve, and Mark, my true soulmates, love you", etc.
are some typical examples of braggart statuses.
Your intention may not necessarily be to inspire jealousy in others, but you really need to know that not all the world except for your close posse of friends and family would be gagging to know what's happening in your life. The rest of the world can very much continue to live without knowing what color boxers you are planning to gift your boyfriend.
Keeping-others-on-tenterhooks status
"Can't believe that just happened", "Aaaaaaggghhhh", "OMG", "That's it, I can't take this crap anymore", "It's really happening", etc.
Okay, a lot can be inferred from this ilk of statuses.
The first thing, which remains constant in all of our conclusions is that you are a BIG ATTENTION SEEKER. You probably think of yourself as some celebrity who just lets out a brief sample of a grand announcement to see what kind of brouhaha it creates.
Or you are someone who has just had an emotional misadventure and wants people to know about it but just won't spill it, because you are a bloody big attention seeker who wants people to ask you!
Or you are awaiting an exciting news like a job confirmation or someone's answer to your proposal, so you just want to keep people on suspense with a promise that you will spill it soon, more like coming soon to a theater near you thing.
Whatever category you belong to, let us tell you that it's unfailingly unappealing to do such a thing. In case you don't realize, there are other big mysteries that are far more mystifying and exciting that people would genuinely want to know than your "ugghhhh".
The feeling-of-love-and-romance status
"You are the best thing that has happened to me ever, love you honey bunny", "My sun rises and sets on you, my true love @jenna, "My idea of romance starts and ends with my husband", etc.
Okay. You are insanely, hopelessly, and crassly in love with someone; on biblical terms you only cleave to that person, superb, and you want to tell the love of your life how much he/she means to you, great!
But then, why subject other mortals to nausea-inducing romance/love statuses when you can go all lovey-dovey with that special person in person or over a phone call or a private message?
The keeping-you-abreast-of-the-latest-buzz-of-my-life status
7:10 pm-"Wormed my way out of traffic snarl up". 7:23- "Just reached home, need to take a good warm shower". 7:39- "Heading for dinner with my pals, got a lot of catching up to do". 7:50- "Having a great time with my friends @ChillsnGrills.
Wow. You must seriously be in love with yourself. You must also think that your life is so intriguing that people want to know about every little move of yours (even when you move your weary toosh away from your porcelain pal after a riot). Bravo for having that confidence.
The hashtag-hacking-off status 
Just got myself a new pair of #classy #fashionlabel #straightfromthestylist #brandnew #magnificent #fashionforward #pink #handbag #notafraidtobewhoiwanttobe.
You are so tempted to administer a severe beating to this person. If someone could please edify some people that so many hashtags are okay on Instagram and not on Facebook.
The emotionally-charged-unoriginal status 
"My heart goes out to the people of Bedforshire who lost their near and dear ones in this massive environmental catastrophe. I pray that the bereaved families get the strength to withstand this situation."
Firstly, in this age of technology, where everyone right from a child to concierge to a big chairman has access to the portable magic called a cell phone, it's virtually impossible for someone to not know about a tragedy.
Besides, there are other media through which people can learn about something, so by mentioning a tragedy in your status, you are not informing people about it. But you are in a way involving yourself with the tragedy by conveying your heartfelt feelings, when people don't need to know your emotionally-charged take on it.
The interminable status
Sometimes small things like sitting by yourself or looking your reflection in the mirror reveals some extraordinary facts of our life that we fail to realize. I just realized this morning how cruelly ungrateful we are toward people who do so much for us. We always take them for granted because we ... Read more.
Crap this! I'm going to Narnia. 

As a human being, we know that there are going to be times when you would feel the need to talk about yourself in a self-impressed way, also you would want people to lavish attention on you, when you aren't feeling your usual self.
However, you need to realize that not all people who are friends with you on Facebook love you or care for you as a selected few would do, so please stop bothering them with such statuses.