Cool Facebook Statuses

Facebook can seem like an exciting place when you login. However, before long, those plain Hi's, the bland Hellos, and those please-kill-me What's Ups suck out all the juice from it. It starts to get quiet... a bit too quite! So what can you do to remedy this situation? Why, you can drop in a hilarious and cool status update, of course!

When things get too boring online, you can open up your funny-box, pull out some neat little LOLs, wrap them in relevancy, and throw them at your FB status-bar for your whole online community to enjoy. 

It's sure to kick out the monotony and usher in a new era of hilarity, at least till your next status update! You might even end up becoming a shining star in your social circle!

So if you are all set to light the spark that sets the FB landscape on fire, go through the funny and cool status ideas presented below to help inspire you in this pursuit.

• If you need a friend: call me, if you need a laugh: text me, if you need money: this number is no longer in service.

• Not all men are fools. There are still some bachelors.

• ..is normally not a praying girl, but if you are up there, please save me Superman.

• I am great at remembering names. I just don't remember which one is yours.

• The winner of the rat race is still a rat.

• Do you know what makes me smile? Facial muscles!

• If someone throws a stone at you, throw back a flower but make sure that it is still in its pot.

• Before using the bathroom in someone's house, make sure to check if they have toilet paper.

• ...thinks that if your relationship status says 'It's complicated', you should stop kidding yourself and change it to 'Single'.

• Good morning...i see the assassins have failed.

• At the airport customs, if you are asked "do you have any firearms with you?" never reply, "what do you need?"

• ..Just received a coupon in the mail. Buy one glove and get one FREE! Offer valid till gloves last.

• I love to give homemade gifts. Which one of my kids do you want?

• ...dreams of a better world...where chickens cross the road without having their motives questioned.

• ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ

• ...is wondering where Noah kept the woodpecker on his ark.

• Status loading ████████████ 99%

• I married my wife for her looks. But not the ones she's been giving me lately.

• There should be a limit on the number of frogs you have to kiss before you find your prince. Too many frogs are having fun.

• What do I do when I see someone extremely gorgeous? I stare, I smile, and when I get tired, I just put down the mirror.

• ..Got her test results back this morning. She was shocked to see that she has been diagnosed with OCD. She rung up the doctors 9 times just to check if they are correct.

• ...is c1e*a%nI hE^R ke^%ybOA>rd

• Why is it called Alcoholics ANONYMOUS when the first thing you have to do is stand and say "Hi my name is Ralph and I am an alcoholic".

• Statistically, 132% of all people exaggerate.

• Of course we can still be friends. As long as I never have to hear from you, see you or talk to you again.

• Giving money and power to the Government is like giving alcohol and car keys to teenagers.

• I am a bomb technician. If you see me running, try to keep up.

• It recently became apparent to me that the letters 'T' and 'G' are rather close on the keyboard. From now on, I will never end a letter with the phrase "Regards" ever.

• ...feels like getting some work done. So she is sitting down till the feeling passes.

• Used to be a werewolf. But I am all right nnnnnooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!

• ..Does not suffer from insanity. She enjoys every minute of it.

• Have you ever had a fly land on your computer screen and your first reaction is to try to scare it with the cursor?

• ...is down since no one wished him a happy birthday. But that's okay! Since it is not his birthday today.

• One day my prince will come. He just took a wrong turn. Got lost and is too stubborn to ask for directions.

• I do not know how to spell anymore. I just type the first few letters and then wait for auto correct to do the rest.

• If you must be taken for a ride....may as well be in a nice car.

• ..says that my computer beat me at chess..but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

• ..is dead. Yet here you are reading her update. What does that make you?

• Some things man was never meant to know. For everything else, there's Google.